until now

until now, i thought the fissures in the foundational walls of this heart finally had a reprieve.
they are as wide as chasms.
until now, i thought i'd cried myself to sleep for the last time.
the rain won't let up.
until now, i thought i knew you.
i've never had the chance.
until now, you were one of the few things outside of myself i could rely on.
it's just me.
until now, i looked to a red and black star to guide me.
there is vacancy where meaning once was.

funny that i've always struggled with the idea of "now", only to find that it's all there really is.